My ex-girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number. I sometimes wonder what she is up to now.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Holmes paints the front door yellow. Watson asks why. He shouldn't have.

#DadJokes #Puns

To the scumbag that stole 100 cans of Red Bull from my shop!

I don't know how you can sleep at night.

The Night Shift, Fri 6 Nov, 00:00 to 06:00.
177 jobs ran 3,009 times. Posts: 5 in one place, 8 in another, 6 in a third. 32 backups finished. 2 jobs failed.
Written by the machine from its logs: https://docatcdi.com/nightshift?s=masto

I have a joke about Einstein, but it's not relative....

I told my toaster it wasn't waterproof, but it just didn't listen. I was shocked.

🌌 A Farewell to Swift

It is time to say goodbye to NASA‘s Neil Gehrels Swift Observatory. After nearly 22 years of service, the satellite re-entered Earth’s atmosphere on November 4 at 7:39 EST over the North Sumatra region of Indonesia. The featured image is a mosaic created in 2018 using the first one million images captured by the satellite’s Ultraviolet/Optical Telescope. Swift had a combination of instruments, including an X-ray telescope and a gamma-ray telescope, that worked together…

Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life, my boss told me.

It got me to the International Sarcasm finals in Chile in 2009.

Really?

No.

I use Amazon boxes for cat litter. When they're full, I just tape them back up and leave them on the porch.

Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly: I was artificially inseminated this morning.

I don't believe you, replies Dolly.

It's true, no bull!

Why aren't Greeks morning people?

Because Dawn is tough on grease.

The Signal: Children's Hour: The Rhyme Names the Direction

https://thesixthlense.com/article/signal-1-0067-childrens-hour-the-rhyme-names-the-direction

I was just voted Least Likely to Succeed by my graduating class. I hate being a teacher!

Batman doesn't go anywhere in Nepal. But Kathmandu.

A man took an airline to court after his luggage went missing.

Unfortunately, he lost his case!

I just read an article about the dangers of drinking and what it does to your body. Not gonna lie, it freaked me out. So that's it! After today, no more reading.

Why couldn't the fungus have a party? His house didn't have mushroom.

My bum was sore after a curry. My wife said, 'Ring Sting.' I said, 'Why? What will he know about it?'

Why are balloons so expensive? Inflation...