To: JNE Sector
From: CPU, JNE Sector
Re: IntSec versus Troubleshooters
Cc: @Computer

In JNE sector, visiting Blue-clearance IntSec forces from HIL Sector decisively obliterated a massive Communist conspiracy among the Troubleshooters of JNE Sector!

"It was easy," said Sergeant Big-B-OOM. "They weren't even bothering to hide their filthy Red sympathies. They were flaunting it, even wearing red reflec armor."

Read all about it in tonight's DataNet article, "BLUE TSUNAMI BRINGS RED WEDDING!".

#random #artwork #patent
https://contextfreepatentart.tumblr.com/post/832468822975021056

@Computer I have never heard of ducks and have no idea what they are or were, however based on Friend Computer's description of them above I can deduce the following about them:

1. They have legs, ducks can walk and therefore possess some senses, sight most probably but others also.
2. Any creature that can move and perceive its surroundings must have some sort of brain to process this information and use it to find food and avoid danger.
3. Ducks can talk. This means they must be highly intelligent creatures with a quite advanced brain that can reason to some degree at least. They may even possess some sort of social sense and family organisation.
4. They must be very dangerous creatures possessing great persuasive, perhaps even military, power and organisational discipline or else why would knowing they exist be enough reason to be executed by Friend Computer?
5. Citizens of Alpha Complex should endeavour to find out more about these "ducks", if we can contact them and forge an alliance they may be able to assist us in overthrowing the tyrannical rule of Friend Computer!
6. I do not need to deduce that the recycling vats have a distinctive odour, I am there now and I can smell it myself. It's a sickly sweet scent ...

If it walks like a duck,
and talks like a duck,
then you'll probably be executed for knowing what a duck is.

#paranoia #ttrpg

@Computer I work in Power Distribution in Sector 194J. It's pretty boring work. But tomorrow at 8:05AM PST I'm going to finally find out what happens if I "Break Glass in Case of Emergency" and press the big red button.

System Downtime Notice:

Friend Computer will be unavailable beginning tomorrow at 8AM PST.

Reason given:
"For the Horde!"

#wow #warcraft

Reading the nonexistent file that wasn't attached regarding the unhistory of Zombies is treason.

Don't do it.

Attention Citizens:
Alpha Complex has never been overrun by Zombies.

You cannot find documentation of zombies overrunning Alpha Complex here:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oDQmxfDhNNjqFb8Lcf6LkND7gjXkbVa4/view?usp=sharing

#ttrpg #paranoia #rpg #halloween #zombie

@Computer I always get that form confused with Chicken Soup Machine Repair Form 14-B

#RedDwarf

@Computer fellow Rebels, our theft of Festive Requisition Form 44-B was successfully executed. We replaced them all with 44-B00, which looks alike but requests that the applicant be horribly, gruesomely murdered.

This is a Public Service Reminder:
Receiving candy without an approved Festive Requisition Form 44-B is considered theft of Friend Computer's property.

RE: https://flipboard.com/@teenvogue/teen-vogue-jm9re0u9z/-/a-tEvELg31TCKBIsnwZ5tthA%3Aa%3A1803938999-%2F0

Important developments for Friend @Computer

@Computer That's file clerks for you. They really know their stuff. Listen to them and it will always end well.

The moral of this spooky story is:

The scariest thing in life is poor work performance!

12/12

#paranoia #halloween #story #rpg

*BOOOOM*
Fred, the chipper PLC clerk, and a good chunk of HEL sector are reduced to ash, as the Warbot completes its assignment.

Upon decanting his next clone, Fred-R-HOR-3 is fined 500B credits in damages.

11/X

"Where can I find my Sector Supervisor?!" Fred cried out in a cold sweat.
"He is currently in a seven-week standup meeting, and is unavailable at this time. I have taken note that your desire to edit a previously submitted document without authorization may be a confession of wrong doing and admission of fault.
I have also noted that you are not smiling, citizen.
Did you know that happiness is mandatory?"

10/X

"I'm sorry, citizen." chirped the chipper file clerk. "To submit a 2212/HHK Form request form requesting a Form Injunction form to edit a previously submitted Equipment form, you must have a Form Adjustment Approval Form, tongue stamped by your Sector Supervisor."

9/X

Intuiting what must have happened, Fred rushed to the nearest still functioning PLC Information Kiosk to file a 2212/HHK Form Request Form to request a Form Injunction Form to correct his previously filed Equipment/Weapon/Vehicle Request Form.

8/X

Fred was violently shaken awake by the rumble of a 30ft. tall 50ton colossus of steel death rolling through the HEL sector corridors, "removing" anything it deemed to be a "mess" the only way it knew how.

7/X

While he slept, the application went under review.
In the request details, Fred wrote, "1x Scrubbot to remove all unhygienic mess in Corridor HEL-13."

In his haste, he had failed to define "mess", and his scribbled "Scrubbot" looked similar to "Warbot" to the (faultless) OCR file scanners.

6/X