What happens on your device, stays on your device – until it doesn’t.

https://www.obdev.at/blog/what-happens-on-your-device-stays-on-your-device-until-it-doesnt

You know, I have no idea if there's interest here in the novel I'm writing, which I add a chapter to every Monday morning.

It's technically a fanfic. It requires very, very little knowledge of the show it's related to. In fact I summarized the relevant stuff on a short page on its site. My alpha reader and story workshopping partner had no idea about the show and still appreciates it.

It's about finding friends, learning to trust, and healing from trauma.

So you know what, if you're interested, it's at https://take-my-hand.write-on.org/ and also on AO3 via https://archiveofourown.org/users/varve or SquidgeWorld via https://squidgeworld.org/users/varve (but only if you have an account, for those two)

So, enjoy, I guess? If you're curious enough to check it out.

#writing #fanfiction

I've seen several times where he has flinched as if about to run, then chose instead to stay put.

The only interpretation of all this (and other things harder to describe in 500 characters) that makes sense to me is that this cat has confirmed to his satisfaction that I am indeed a safe person, knows intellectually that I will not hurt him, and is trying to retrain his own reactions, push his comfort zone, so he isn't controlled by his PTSD triggers.

Well. For the next few weeks, *every* breakfast included at least one, sometimes two, times where he rolled his forage ball up to my feet, then backed up and waiting for me to put it back to the start for him. He even rolled it all the way around the kitchen island to leave it on the other side of me a few times.

After the first one, it was clearly not an accident. He was testing me.

Then when he had gathered enough data, the tests stopped as abruptly as they started 2/2

But the things that he's doing on his own are the really cool part.

He has done cat science on me - behavioural experiments, not gravity testing.

Breakfast comes in a forage ball, and while they're eating I'm making my lunch and getting ready for work. One day he accidentally rolled his forage ball into my foot, then scrambled back. Oh no, his food is right by the scary human! What to do? I picked the ball up, and put it down where I usually feed him. "Here you go."

1/2

The mealtime interaction started with him squeaking impatiently one time, then I asked him to vocalize in some way for his meals. He was a very silent cat - drawing attention to himself may not have been safe.

About a year in, he gave my hand (holding his meal) a shoulder bump. Then I started accepting either a meow or touch for his meal.

Then I would follow giving his meal with a single light stroke down his back. Then when he stopped flinching, two. Then scritches. 2/2

The things I have done to help him learn that I am a safe human, reinforcement training:

* Taking treats from my hand (took about 2 weeks)
* Sniffing my finger then taking the treat from the other hand.
* Offering said finger at a "safe" distance, and only moving it closer if he seems interested. If he looks away, I say "no? ok" and withdraw my finger.
* "Gimme 5" trick, so he touches my hand confidently to get a treat.
* Mealtime interaction, starting with a meow

1/2

The things I have done to help him learn that I am a safe human, general:

* Treats. Lots of treats.
* Moving predictably.
* Telegraphing my movements very clearly when moving generally towards him. (Letting him learn the difference between me walking past him and toward him.)
* Giving him space and time to decide which way to go, when meeting in the hall. I would move to one side so he could scoot past me if that's what he decided.
* Slow blinks whenever I catch his eye.

Just today when I got home, he walked up to the open closet where I was putting my shoes and jacket away, and looked inside curiously. I quietly put my hand in front of him, not too close, but positioned so that he wouldn't be able to walk into the closet without pushing against it. In the past when I did that, he would back away. (Less quickly over time, but away.)

Today he looked at my hand, looked in the closet some more, then stepped *forward* and sniffed my hand.

I just want to take a moment to recognize all the hard work this cat is doing!

I described earlier how he had figured out how he could get scritches without triggering his fear of hands (by walking past me a little, and pausing with his butt lifted while he was looking away; when done he walked away before looking at me again) and recently he has started adding in a look at me before walking away. He is pushing his own comfort zone and I am SO proud of him.

Recently I put together many of my observations since I got him, and realized what the pattern was:

This cat is actively working on learning to not be afraid of me.

I'm working on helping him with that as well, but he's doing stuff *on his own initiative* and *to his own plan* to become less afraid of my hands.

I won't speculate whether he's smarter than average, but he's certainly in a position where his mental work is quite visible.

I don't know what happened to him before he was rescued by the shelter. All I know is they called it a "cruelty situation," many of the cats had to be euthanized, and he came with a notice that I had to sign and give the vet about diseases he had exposure to.

The shelter had him for about three months, some of which was in a foster home for socializing.

Hands were (and remain) especially scary, more so if they're holding some types of things.

What did they do to him?!

The white cat I've mentioned here before came to me terrified of humans and with the label of "fearful" applied to him by the shelter and their vet.

He definitely was afraid of me. But look at these photos, taken one day, and two days, after I brought him into my home.

This is not a fearful cat.

This is a cat who is curious, bold, and friendly - as long as any humans are safely out of reach.