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  • Genna || HaruEb 春HaruEb@mk.absturztau.be
    May 27, 2025, 10:56 AM

    Welp, I fucked this up, I didn't tell Wife I booked us tickets, I put the event on my calendar but didn't send an invite to Wife, so she saw the event on my calendar and assumed she wasn't welcome ​:nkoSad:​

    Went she went to have a nap at 4pm and I said "we'll leave around 6 or so" she was shocked and was not at all prepared to be going out tonight and it turned into a fight and left everyone crying.

    We've patched things up more or less now, but I still feel shitty. I know I need to communicate with her more clearly about this stuff, especially given I really have shut her out of a lot of music stuff I like to do in the past.

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  • Genna || HaruEb 春HaruEb@mk.absturztau.be
    May 27, 2025, 11:02 AM

    I shut her out because I'm already highly anxious about these things, music and especially singing means the world to me and I'm always worried about not performing well, even in casual settings I just have high expectations for myself because I know I have a pleasant voice and can perform in a way that makes people feel welcome and adds to the atmosphere in a positive way.

    Having her there can really add to that anxiety because I care a lot about her opinion of me, I care a lot about her enjoyment of the time and desire to participate. There's been multiple occasions when I've invited her to something that she doesn't end up enjoying, gets frustrated and upset with.

    And I'm worried any time I do try to bring her in again she'll hate it, find it draining and judge me poorly either for not understanding her needs and preferences or just dislike something that I enjoy or worst of all, think my own performance is bad........

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  • Genna || HaruEb 春HaruEb@mk.absturztau.be
    May 27, 2025, 11:12 AM

    I remember I took her to an "Irish tune on Ukuklele" thing years ago and I just didn't realise that I was relying on my ear an d familiarity with those tunes to participate, and I just couldn't give her that, most of that time there was music notation for the tunes and in my mind knowing she can sight sing from music (something I cannot do) she could sight play but she couldn't and she felt left out.

    This sucks because we met through music, through a choir, and there's nothing more I'd like than to sing with her again, but I keep on tripping over myself at every turn.

    We're gonna go to an open night for a choir (one that's aimed at LGBT+ folks specifically) in July, I'm gonna try not to fuck that up too     🤞

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