hehehe, yeah,,,,

I have updated it a fair bit now, did a ton of cleaning, there's still weird wonky shit but like, way less of it, and I still don't understand all of it but I understand most of it now which is neat :)

https://focsle.xyz/

"Sometimes magic is just someone spending more time on something than anyone else might reasonably expect."

"To have that moment where [...] the sugar cube of the mind dissolves into the tea of pure being, that is [...] what we're chasing"

Oh woah, I remember the "stabs u in the butt if you don't put a coin in it bench" story going around lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZ4RUFA7VQ

Queering the Sane<---->Insane binary

I remember I took her to an "Irish tune on Ukuklele" thing years ago and I just didn't realise that I was relying on my ear an d familiarity with those tunes to participate, and I just couldn't give her that, most of that time there was music notation for the tunes and in my mind knowing she can sight sing from music (something I cannot do) she could sight play but she couldn't and she felt left out.

This sucks because we met through music, through a choir, and there's nothing more I'd like than to sing with her again, but I keep on tripping over myself at every turn.

We're gonna go to an open night for a choir (one that's aimed at LGBT+ folks specifically) in July, I'm gonna try not to fuck that up too 🤞

I shut her out because I'm already highly anxious about these things, music and especially singing means the world to me and I'm always worried about not performing well, even in casual settings I just have high expectations for myself because I know I have a pleasant voice and can perform in a way that makes people feel welcome and adds to the atmosphere in a positive way.

Having her there can really add to that anxiety because I care a lot about her opinion of me, I care a lot about her enjoyment of the time and desire to participate. There's been multiple occasions when I've invited her to something that she doesn't end up enjoying, gets frustrated and upset with.

And I'm worried any time I do try to bring her in again she'll hate it, find it draining and judge me poorly either for not understanding her needs and preferences or just dislike something that I enjoy or worst of all, think my own performance is bad........

Welp, I fucked this up, I didn't tell Wife I booked us tickets, I put the event on my calendar but didn't send an invite to Wife, so she saw the event on my calendar and assumed she wasn't welcome ​:nkoSad:​

Went she went to have a nap at 4pm and I said "we'll leave around 6 or so" she was shocked and was not at all prepared to be going out tonight and it turned into a fight and left everyone crying.

We've patched things up more or less now, but I still feel shitty. I know I need to communicate with her more clearly about this stuff, especially given I really have shut her out of a lot of music stuff I like to do in the past.

happy new moon 🌑

I have made a website out of my local shanty group's songbook, added some features (like search, buttons to show QR codes) and generally tried to optimise it for viewing on phones.

It seems to work pretty well, but the code is quite a mess, from being initially generated from a docX file in libreoffice, to then being hamfistedly edited in a text editor and then code snippets pasted in all over the place, many of which I don't fully understand.

If any of you have a moment to poke around at it and tell me if it's broken I would greatly appreciate it. Especially if you know some about HTML and JavaScript,,,,

https://focsle.xyz/

https://haveagood.today/

Brrrrrrrrr (mostly /pos but need to sleep soon pls brain)

Woo, going to to a shanty gig put on by the local lesbian shanty group with Wife on Tuesday!!!~