You rarely hear bad news about cheese

Meditation is a great way to clear your mind and fill it back up with new terrible ideas

Going to bed soon, just need to do everything else possible first, and also space out for awhile

A good werewolf is hard to find. So is a bad werewolf. Werewolves are hard to find

Are you depressed or are you simply aware of various situations

You know what they say: Words. Typically in sentences

Scientists announced today that you could use a hug

Been thinking about my life, and I recommend not doing that

BRAIN: I sense danger
BODY: Would it help to poop?
BRAIN: No, it would not help!
BODY: Well, I’m going to poop a little bit

You can just pretend to have your shit together. They don’t really check

I keep having this dream where I live in an incredibly stupid dystopia, and I can’t wake up

What a tangled web we weave when we suck at weaving webs

The older I get, the cooler older people get

In my next life, things will be different. I'm going to be stronger and smarter. Or possibly a snail. Both good options

Other people my age are alarmingly old

Sure, I could do laundry and put away dishes. Or I could fake my own death and start a new life at sea

Teeth are the bones I clean and polish the most

Going to bed, but first let me try to fix the world with my mind

If at first you don’t succeed, try like two more times, then take a long nap

Tomorrow is another day to keep doing your best while cartoonish villains destroy society in every direction