(Doorbell rings)

Well, Seymour, I made it... Despite your directions.

Ahhh, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Nyeh...

(Principal Skinner exits into the kitchen)

GASP! Oh egads! My roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour.

(Principal Skinner takes off his apron and opens the window. He puts his leg over the window, attempting to step outside. Before he can leave, Superintendent Chalmers enters the kitchen)

Uh--

[THEME SONG]
Skinner, with his crazy explanations,
The Superintendent's gonna need his medication.
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town - tonight.

SEYMOUR!!!!!!!

Superintendent, I was just-- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

Uh... Ooh! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm. Steamed Clams!

(Superintendent Chalmers exits the kitchen)

Whew...

(Principal Skinner leaves the kitchen from the windowsill and runs across the road into Krusty Burger to purchase hamburgers)

Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.

I thought we were having steamed clams.

D'oh no, I said Steamed Hams! That's what I call hamburgers.

You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?

Yes! It's a regional dialect.

Uh-huh. What region?

Uhhh-upstate New York?

Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.

Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression.

I see.

(Superintendent Chalmers takes a bite from the hamburger)

You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Oh ho ho ho no! Patented Skinner Burgers; Old family recipe!

For steamed hams?

Yes.

Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Y-- You know th-- One thing I sh-- 'Scuse me for one second...

Of course.

(Principal Skinner leaves the table and opens the kitchen door walking inside. As the door swings open, it is clear that the kitchen is on fire. He walks back out and yawns)

Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.

Yes, I should be---

(Superintendent Chalmers notices the fire through the swinging kitchen door)

GOOD LORD! What is happening in there?

Aurora Borealis.

A---Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within your kitchen?!?

Yes.

May I see it?

No.

(Principal Skinner leads Superintendent Chalmers outside)

Seymour! The house is on fire!

No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say - you steam a good ham.

(Superintendent Chalmers starts to walk away. Principal Skinner stands in front of his burning house)

Heeeeelp! HEEEEEEEELP!!!

🔥 🚒