the only posts i care to make these days fall into two categories.
category one is shit like:
"Asleep at the Wheel is easily one of the top ten Jane's Addiction songs ever written, which is noteworthy because it's a Suicidal Tendencies song."
and category two is shit like:
"ChatGee🅱️ee3️⃣ee, , where is the funniest place in town to abruptly swerve into oncoming traffic?? 🤔 "
so the car didn't little flip? big deal. i've known plenty of guys who have flipped cars before. some of my buddies rolled a 2004 Subaru Outback. you know how hard that was to do with those motherfuckers? no jet thrusters. no billions of dollars. just some dudes and a dream.*
* fell asleep driving on the interstate.
Donald Trump isn't going to die. they're gonna strap his comatose body to a golden leather recliner like the emperor in Warhammer 40k, and his powerful spirit will operate on a higher celestial plane to ensure that mankind can continue advancing the technologies of mediocre steak dinners and creepy beauty pageants.
refusing to buy any Magic Chef brand appliances as i won't tolerate sorcery or divination in my kitchen.
is the triforce even still an important macguffin in contemporary Zelda? i haven't really checked in on the franchise since the late 90s.
there was a cursed strip club in SE Portland where shootings kept happening in the parking lot. they would change the club's name (maybe also ownership) and then like a year later another shooting would happen. they finally decided to give up entirely on the lease and last year the space was converted into a Chick-fil-A. problem solved.
i've just learned that today there was a shooting at the Chick-fil-A.
founding the Slots for Tots program to help prepare children for a gambling heavy future with skills like knowing how to recognize when they're hot and when they're due for a win.
for a couple days i kept seeing links to news articles about that athlete who won a competition by having a catastrophic bowel incident and shitting all over shared equipment mid-competition, and i only had one question: what the fuck is HYROX?
it turns out when new sports are invented now, it's necessary for them to be trademarked intellectual property held by companies like HYROX World GmbH. fascinating.
oh, i get it. i see how it is.
everyone is freaking out about OpenAI stealing the work of those dorkass mathematicians, but it was just a big joke when Google clearly plagiarized my years of research into the novel field of putting glue on pizza.
I enthusiastically support this company that claims to be making a real life version of the monster that chases you around the level in any of those janky-ass Playstation 1 lookin' indie horror games.
why exactly do the the forces of capital animating the entertainment industry keep trying to make weird short form video content a thing?
do they see a specific financial inventive in producing it at scale, or is there like a magic consumer research chart floating around that once gazed-upon convinces the reader that everyone is clamoring for bite-sized vertical video slop?
why the fuck that one mummy vendor in BG3 named Mystic Carrion. like may as well be Dessicated Von Spook'ums. silly.
ever think about who all the kids that were conceived the night of the "covfefe" tweet are in like 3rd grade now? assuming they haven't skipped grades. which they may have.
the market is absolutely there for a competitor to Medieval Times, but pulling it off requires such a specific understanding of theatricality, hospitality, and business acumen. it would be difficult to find the right founder to spearhead it, a person with the keen vision and ambition and who hates their legal office job...
hey, it's starting to look like you cretins are using the Privacy & Reach options to exercise control over your privacy and reach.
knock it off!! 😠
as software platforms degrade further, we're all going to experience a hilarious new type of gaslighting where an application A/B tests some batshit bonkers features on you and nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about when you complain about it.
and when the strange feature understandably never rolls out, folks will just remember that week you were having an episode and thought Spotify was talking to you with your full legal name between songs.
it's
Donald Trump will eventually die having lead a life of totally fleecing everyone who has ever interacted with him in any capacity and never once suffering proportionate consequences. he truly is the walking* and talking embodiment of this whole nation. our perfect shitty avatar
* still true at time of posting.
🎶 yooooouuuuu and me,
broadly speaking, I blame anyone who had the word "evangelist" in their LinkedIn at any point in the 2010s. whatever's happening is at least partially their fault.