A nice salad, except with sauce instead of dressing and maybe pepperoni and cheese instead of veggies and then baked on a crust.

All gas station bathrooms are required by law to look like the set of a Saw movie.

You just can't watch the news and drink a glass of water at the same time anymore.

I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.

I hope to become the last guy on earth one day. Then I'll get to find out if all those women were lying to me.

Andrew Garfield, Toby McGuire and Tom Holland all get into an accident arriving at a party.
As it turns out, they're terrible parallel Parkers.

4 year old: is money real or pretend?
Me: *clears throat* *takes sip of water* *arranges notes on podium*

You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straitjackets anymore.

French protests have three stages:
1. Peaceful marching
2. Rioting/arson (targeting banks, not homes)
3. Mass strikes & economic shutdown
The French elite fear Stage 1 because they know Stages 2 and 3 are coming. Canadians only do Stage 1 and our elites ignore it because they know there is no real threat of escalation.