On a plane to fly back to England and this little dude was in the queue to check-in.
#kitten #CatsOfMastodon

There's a Spanish football game on the TV here and instead of walking on the pitch with children, the players walked on the pitch with *puppies*.

Football ⚽ was suddenly my favourite sport until the puppies went away and I stopped watching.

I don't have access to my hand written diary out here but the thoughts need somewhere to go, and maybe someone else might see themselves reflected in them.

I'm not happy with the choices I've made in my life. I'm angry that I listened to well-meaning advice when I was young rather than following my heart and doing what I knew was for me. I've changed careers and relationships several times, I've moved my life repeatedly in search of new and better. At times I've decided there's no hope and made plans to just be free and end it all.

And I hate myself for that because on paper I have an ideal life others would strive for, so I don't feel like I have any right to feel this way. So I never told anyone at the time.

Over the last couple of days I felt the stirrings of "what's the point, there's no hope, I want to die" BUT. Then I remembered that useful phrase I came across years ago.

I don't want to die; I just want my life to end.

Two very different things. This is not one of those times when I'm desperate to be free of pain. This is when I want to be a new person with a new life. That's the important point. I *want* a new life, I want life, I want to be here and doing the things, I just want those things to be different to what I have now.

So I'm lying here by the pool wondering what exactly it is that I want to change and then most importantly, trying to determine the tiniest of steps I can do to get towards these goals.

Mainly, I want to perform. I want to be on stage. Either in plays or playing music or doing magic. I want to entertain people. I want to prepare and rehearse and perform a thing. All the things. And I want to meet the creative people involved so that I can learn from them but also get swept along in their journey for a time.

I'm not sure yet what I can do about this. Not realistically. I can think of lots of useful tips but I know I wouldn't act upon them for reasons.

It's weird. I feel like I'm this giant bundle of tinder just waiting to be set alight and then there'll be no stopping me.

Do other countries have treacle? Do they just not call it treacle? It's a term of endearment as well. Particularly in the north.

"Hello, treacle"

But I don't recall ever hearing about it outside of my northern roots and baking a sticky toffee pudding.

When you thought you were emotionally done with something and then you get an unexpected punch to the stomach (metaphorically).

That'll sure make for a tricky day that feels like wading through treacle.

For context:

I used to collect copies of a book about a wizard school in different languages depending on the country I was visiting. Now I've chosen to collect copies of Antoine du Saint Exupery's book The Little Prince.

I've got it in English, Italian, Japanese, French, and now Arabic. The deal is I have to go to a local bookshop in that country to buy it so it always makes for a fun day out. And it tests my language skills.

I'm rating today a solid 3/10 but here are #3GoodThings:

- I went into a local bookshop and bought a copy of The Little Prince in Arabic. Fuck knows how we found it in that shop but I went looking for it and I have yet another language to add to my collection of books!

- Dessert was chocolatey heaven this evening.

- I picked up a book from the free book swap and I'm really enjoying it. It's Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz.

#food

Genuine question:

If you're allergic to cats, can you still successfully have a pet cat?

Spouse claims to be allergic* but my friend has kittens and I want all the animals. I'm just wondering if it's actually a possibility. Assuming that Jenkins 🐇 would get on with them too...
#cats

*I don't think I've ever heard him sneeze in his life. Not even after we spent time in that cat cafe in Hiroshima.

#3GoodThings

- Finally left the hotel and met real people. I had tea and biscuits and absorbed a beautiful landscape away from the city.

- I tried sandboarding, which was awesome. Like snow boarding only it's not snow underneath your board. It's sand. I've never done that before.

- Our guide gave me the name "Aicha" because I was "full of life". He was referring to the fact that even though I was the oldest in the group, i was the fittest. That running lark has genuinely worked wonders for me. It's astounding.

I dressed up super posh for dinner tonight and then immediately got changed after I'd eaten and taken a couple of night photos.

Then I did my juggling practice. I accidentally got to 10 in a row and decided when I did that again I would stop for the night.

*1 hour and 12 minutes later* I was finally able to get in bed.

I did it though!
🤹‍♀️🤹‍♀️🤹‍♀️

If I have to sit here doing nothing then I may as well learn something for my future career* with The Magic Circle.

*only half joking

In case you were under the impression that I was a normal person... here's what I brought on holiday with me.

I am now in a brand-new-to-me continent. I can't claim to have discovered it what with the millions of people who have lived here for hundreds of thousands of years, but I've found it now.

It's hot and I'm devastated to discover that the book I've brought with me is waaaay too good and I'll have it finished tomorrow.

It's Jaws by the way. That's the book. Yes, this holiday does take place by the sea. Why are you asking?

So I'm in an airport. Early tomorrow morning I'm flying to a whole new continent for a holiday I'm not entirely comfortable with but I need you to know what's in my hand luggage.

Because those are the important things. The things you don't want to lose.

I packed my passport and my book in there. And my juggling balls.

The eagle-eyed amongst you may have spotted I originally said I bought 3 pairs of leggings.

Well here are the third and final pair of legs for you!

Leggings #2. Here they are. And it's spooky season so these are perfectly timed.

Did I say they've got POCKETS.

(And they're from Llama Leisure.)

This is especially for @Erased_Citizen but also, this is the first time in forever I've posted to that hashtag and it actually is a Friday. Go me!

Here's a cute morning photo of me and Jenkins for anyone who's like "urgh, work again? Didn't I just go there yesterday?!"
#JenksterFreitag

I can't wait for my balls to arrive tomorrow. For my juggs.

I didn't choose the jugg life. The jugg life chose me.

I have 3 new pairs of leggings. The softest leggings ever made in the UNIVERSE.

Here is pair #1 for your viewing pleasure. I chopped my feet off* because some of you don't like feet pics, or you're just too cheap to pay for them.

*chopped off with my photo framing skills. Not lopped off with a sword

Edit: most important part that I can't believe I forgot to mention... They have pockets!