When I was younger, people didn't used to be this intolerant.
People also didnt have the internet.

Topic: Social Discrimination

Seems to me, society has been conditioned to reject people like myself. What they dislike about me, seems to be trained into them since childhood, younger generations grow more against myself as years go by.

Too loud.
Too slow.
Too verbose.
Too emotional.
Too needy.
Too picky.
Too repetitive.
Too different.

I'm not bad. They find me annoying.
I cant change them.
I couldn't change myself to fit their desires.
I may have to accept to be rejected by most.
So lonely.

I know what I do is right for me.
I dont expect other people to agree, but some do. I will continue to find my own way to go forward, always looking for the best way for me to do things.

With the amount of trauma I have had this summer, the losses, the upsets, the lockups, the deadly spider bite...

I feel I need to change... stuck on trying to figure out what to change. but will be somewhere in the department of 'social interaction', 'repetition' and 'focus'... the very three things that are mentioned in my renewed/updated autism diagnosis.

Three things that have caused me so much blight, primarily by how SOMEONE ELSE reacts often contrary to how I feel things should go.

"It's good to vent"

Uh... not really.
The loss of most every friendship I ever had, is the consequence of unfiltered release of words.

I would not need caregivers to do my laundry, if government support (Section 8) would allow enough rent coverage for units with in-home laundry machines.

but where I am allowed to live, apartmtns have community washrooms, and I gota spend about $5 per load. I have to have carers to walk that journey in public.

I can wash and dry and fold my own clothes, but I am not safe to be outside with the judgy people who have 911 in their pockets.

When people ask, "do I need a Dx?"
Yes, if you want Regional Center to help you cover some costs of living life as a disabled/neurodifferent person.

As I think about needing two weeks of clothes, I feel pleased that my current caregiving does my laundry weekly.... Weekly is so rare, and caregivers for this laundry have never been "free" before this company. I never had Regional Center cover costs before.

Heavens forbid the decades it takes for Regional Center approval, which requires having a certified Dx that fits within RC requirements.

Autism recently got accepted as a Dx outside their under 18 dx requirement.

I've had to sacrifice panty shape to get enough underwear to cover my 2 weeks needs... briefs without the high cut feel like diapers to me. My skin is disturbed by the added coverage I dont want, I cant help but feel my clothes 24/7.

I need a lot of underwear for the two weeks between loads. At most, I have gone through six pairs in a day, because it gets too dang hot, and my skin is severely irritated by moisture.

Also, a PTSD reflex ... if you know, you know.

I've struggled to get underwear I need, for years.

One time, I asked a carer to use my $ to get me some underwear, and instead of sticking to my strict needs of 100% cotton, they bought one with that poly material that is bad for my skin. Wasted money again, due to no fault of my own.

I been struggling to buy underwear for over a decade. Brand doesnt matter, color doesnt even matter. But size and material is absolutely size 13, hi-cut briefs, 100% cotton.

Lost numerous pairs to human error.

Added compilations to replacing my clothes, aside from cost:

I must have a carer to take me to stores that sells my size, and the complication of asking sales clerks for my size, and they wont go looking because they ask me what brand, and I say, "any brand", and they seem like a deer in headlights, and ask again for a brand. I got so frustrated a few trips, they got their panties in a knot because I struggle to supress my volume when stressed.

Left without panties numerous times.

and I rather not read someone telling me to just wash them all again... because that is what that second week was for... The lint is so stuck on, it would use up several of my spoons to lint roll everything, and would take several months to do.

One pair of underwear took me over an hour, I was exhausted. I can afford more underwear, but it is super hard to find my brand. I dont understand the size numbers and three different times got the wrong size. Who knew underwear has two different 13's.

Less than a year ago, I lost the wear-able-ness of about 1/3 of my clothes because two different carers failed to follow my instructions to wash my new fuzzy blanket separately.

The first one got about five pieces covered in lint. The next week, the next carer (I loathe getting different carers every week) washed that blanket with more of my clothes, claiming they were trying to save me money (and end up costing me clothes I cant afford to replace).

Good Life thing: As of today, I feel comfortable with my latest caregivers to change my clothes everyday.

The sad:
I'd spend several months at a time, across countless years, wearing the same clothes for several days in a row, because I never knew when my laundry would be washed again.

Sustained caregiving keeps myself from smelling bad. But the reality is, paperwork processes transitioning between services can go months without the care I need.

Once again, I suffer due to no fault of my own.

I made my best guess.
But with my thinking always being different than the majority since I was born...
I usually am not thinking like they think.

Example:
The golden rule... do unto others as you would want done unto you... I tried it several times as a kid, doing to/for them what I wanted... I remember everytime, they would get pissed off. But... I would have been happy if they did the same for me.

Im different, not because I chose to be, but because I am. Always been different than most.

When people say to me "stop" I need them to tell me what they want me to stop.

Stop blinking?
Stop breathing?
Stop what exactly?

I aint no mind reader.
Context has always eluded me.
My guessing has usually been wrong.
I need clarity.

Example:
Them: Drop it.
Me: Drop what?
Them: You should know.
Me: [drops wrong thing]

Topic: contagious illnesses

I haven't been sick in so long, because I wear my mask whenever I am outside.
I regret eating free samples at Costco.

Topic: Good news in getting therapy!

First appointment with new therapist went fantastic! She's wonderful! Appointments set for the future!

Woot woot!

feel free to download and color.

It is traced, but transformative.

Free because I hate money. I want to bring joy to people.
Joy is my profit.

If Wildcard wants to take it and claim it for their own profits.
Go right ahead.
Wildcard has arbitrary rules anyways, the rule for no tracing, I'll consider arbitrary too.

Transformative use, my drawing there is transformative use.
I took away the color, that took me countless hours to do.

Why I got banned:
Breaking arbitrary rules.

Ark Art.
Well fuck the coloring book.
I was going to draw every single ark creature.
They lost the gift I was going to give them.
All because I dont speak the speak they want.
Autism level 2 social interaction. Lost in the sea of word obsession.
Fuck my art, going no where.
I hate this society's obsession with words.