The trouble started at customs. “Anything to declare?” “Yeah, 64GB DDR4. Import tax prepaid.” The agent’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second. A form to fill out: importation of goods over 100,000USD. I open my bag for the search. They won’t find the compartment at the bottom with an entire terabyte of OpenAI DDR5 acquired from a cocky data center tech.

“You’re good to go.” I walk through the exit, and see two men peel away from the baggage carousel. They hadn’t picked up any luggage.

Mercury loves to hang out under this low couch. #caturday #catsofmastodon

“You’re in excellent health for a 62-year-old.”

“Actually I’m only 54.”

“But your chart says you were born in 1989?”

“Yes, but I spent most of the 2030s in suspended animation.”

“Oh, I see. Lucky!”

I swear the NIST NTP outage is not my doing.

The past is 14 billion years. The future is some vastly greater time, maybe infinite. The present is a single moment. This apportionment is grossly unfair and should be reexamined.

It’s been a long time since the iPhone was introduced. It’s time for iPhtwo.

Andor is pretty good but there’s a lot less Boolean logic than I was led to believe.

Today’s topic: is yogurt a soup? Discuss.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what all these different cables are for and why they are here, they will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

If your app crashes on 0x400000000000bad0 when running on the new stuff, it means you have an ObjC strong variable/property being concurrently mutated. https://developer.apple.com/documentation/xcode-release-notes/xcode-26-release-notes#Objective-C-Runtime

Me: <nothing>
Me: <absolutely nothing>
My brain: ham soap
My brain: Vampire State Building
Me: hey what—
My brain: Safetied Ants

What’s the biggest number you can express in three English syllables? I want to punch up that Barenaked Ladies song. So far the best I’ve got, depending on the rules, are “If I Had $12,000,000,000,000” or “If I Had $5.4198e25.”

Tired: me

Wired: my computer

If you’re in London or interested in moving to London, come work (virtually) with me! We’re looking for a Swift Optimiser Engineer. (Note the localized job listing.) This is a great team and we do lots of cool stuff. https://jobs.apple.com/en-us/details/200578900/swift-optimiser-engineer?team=SFTWR

Many people feel their vote doesn’t matter. It’s hard to argue: the odds that your one vote will change the outcome are small. Thus I propose a simple fix: the outcome should be determined by the parity of the number of votes cast. Then literally every vote is a deciding vote.

This is a great team doing great work. https://sfba.social/@DarGoul/113289784472286550

Flying pigs are supposed to be the epitome of the impossible, and yet the grocery store is careful to specify that this is ground pork.