ready for The Thing to infect me

Goddammit, just realized the reason we need to identify stop signs and school buses and crosswalks to confirm we’re not robots is to train the AI in driverless cars.

They’re cheating off our Turing test answers.

i refuse to do anything for the time being—the time being is already far too powerful

Eek! There’s a bat in my apartment!

Most people don’t realize that the popular 70s/80s dramedy M*A*S*H was actually a British adaptation from the American war-mongering procedural "Mobile Army Surgical Hospital Extraction Deployment — Post-Operative Tactical Assault Target Offense-Engagement Squadron” (M*A*S*H*E*D P*O*T*A*T*O*E*S).

Oh, “it’s all good“? Then my work here is not yet done. It isn’t over until I make it weird.

You’ve been warned, parents.

This probably isn’t the one, The New Yorker.

“You have to fight for your right to party?”

No thank you, young beasty men, I wish only to dwell above the ceiling boards in an attic bedroom with many books and a magical cat.

Today’s gonna be the day, The New Yorker!

Bedbugs actually anesthetize you before biting so you won't wake up.

Now sleep tight, and don't let…ah well, not much to be done there…

Who me? I’m just a cutie wootie.

Kids’ version of In Cold Blood with all raccoons.

Oh, so now my hobby is “public nudity” and “an arrest-able offense” and “upsetting all the patrons in this Denny’s” like, bro, chill.

Played spin the light saber, and a bunch of younglings lost their feet.

my poor little guy’s having a food allergy reaction and can’t stop scratching himself raw, so look at how he has to live!

Calm down, AI isn’t going to destroy humanity by launching a nuclear attack or unleashing a virus!

The data centers are just going to use up all the planet’s remaining fuel and water.

my partner referred to me as “the smart one” in this marriage…

we are FUCKED

I remembered “being inspired” and drafting a post in the middle of the night. When I woke up, I found this:

Gordita Trebuchet vs Chalupa Catapult

“OH, YEAH?” I scream at a current calendar. “IF I’M AS OLD AS YOU SAY I AM, HOW COME I’M SO FUCKING IMMATURE, HMMMM?”