This is going to be rambly and I apologize for that in advance.
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and self introspection lately, and what has become increasingly clear to me is that I’m nonbinary.
For a long time I’ve known that gender is a social construct, and that it’s been fluid across time and culture. I’ve also known that I’ve always bristled against some of that: I’ve had long hair most of my life, was never really concerned about being traditionally “masculine”, and have laughed at a lot of the arbitrary rules about what it means to be a “real man”. But I never really emotionally explored how well the very idea of masculinity worked for me.
Having spent more time doing that, I’ve realized that there’s nothing exclusive to the idea of masculinity that appeals to me. It feels more like a set of restrictions than anything useful. I know it’s something that’s valuable to others, but that’s become what it is for me.
What worries me about all this is that parts of my self identity are masculine-coded family roles - husband and father. I’m not sure how I’m going to navigate being honest about who I am without completely blowing up those parts of my life that matter.
