Today on a Zoom call, I pretended to be a guy yelling, "Aaron Burr!" through a mouthful of peanut butter. The two millennials blinked at me vacantly.

#SilentSunday #FallIsComing

The college kids at the table next to me are talking about "grunge," and "Pearl Jam" and "Allison Chains" and how they might have been from "Seattle, I think," and I just keeled over from old age.

#GenX

I wish I could buy my child a Speak and Spell for his birthday. Anyone have a suggestion for a good contemporary toy that could help with his reading, but also make him feel like he's playing a video game? #Parenting #Kids

Why I love live theater: A teenage girl sat next to me at opening night for "Ride the Cyclone," tears streaming down her face. When I asked her afterward if she liked the show, she said: "I've been listening to it and watching it online for years, but this is the first time I saw it live. It's the best thing I've ever seen in my life." Then she burst into tears again, and her mom hugged her. The sweetest. 🩷🩷🩷 #Theater #Theatre

why yes I really did want to have to spend time this summer painstakingly washing all my children's fruit and vegetables with vinegar

Because what 2026 really needed was an Ebola outbreak.

Well, hey. Here's gas for more than $7 a gallon in the Bay Area.

Today's parenting lesson learned: Do not put birthday candles into ice cream and light them.

(Ice cream melted, candle slipped, plate caught on fire. Very small fire. But still.)

Who else has an Australian shepherd who constantly follows you around and stares at you, and what's your theory on why? (He already ate and doesn't have to go potty. 😄)

#DogsOfMastodon #AustralianShepherd

@skinnylatte Hello! Do you know if there are any axolotls at the aquarium? I didn't see any listed on the website, and one of my children is really interested in seeing one when we're in Monterey.

There should be a home air freshener spray with the scent "Toast." I like toast.

I'm not even a motorcycle person, but I had to capture this beautiful fall moment.

just scared my neighbor by yelling DON'T PEE IN MY HYDRANGEA at the dog

Raise your hand if your kids got up at 5 this morning.

#Parenting #DaylightSaving #Nooooo

The 10 seconds she wore this before shaking it off were GLORIOUS.

#Halloween #MastoDog

Blustery Oregon! I love how the raindrops on the car windshield I'm looking through feel enormous in the stormy sky.

#PNW

Never thought getting a vaccine would feel like saying "screw you" to power, but ...

GOT MY COVID JAB BITCHES

🙌

You guys, the dog peed on my hand.

I keep looking at my bank account and feeling like there's not enough money to donate to PBS and all the other places I care about. Then I remember whose bank accounts all the money is in, and why we're in this complete clusterfuck of a timeline.